Letting go

Finally I no longer holding any leadership role in my church. If you ask me whether I feel any relief from it, my answer is no. Not just I didn't feel any relief but I felt even more burden than ever. Today my heart like tear of into several pieces, I can't even worship in church. My mind filled with thousands thoughts, both positive and negative, as if my mind was in war. I kept on telling myself stay still, but the noise keep getting louder, almost got nervous breakdown during worship. I was so disturbed and I pull myself out and stay in a corner to seek the Lord, hopefully can put an end to this non-sense. As I pray, the struggle got even stronger. I told God how glad I am to finally let go these responsibility, God reminded me what my calling is. I told God reasons why I shouldn't lead any ministry, again He reminded me what my calling is. I told God to take away this cup, I refuse to take this burden. I can't afford to fail again. A series of failure in the past few months enough to make Satan laughing and rolling on the floor, I don't think I should continue to make more damage. This church is growing fast and I don't want to be a stumbling block. But I don't think God will letting me go so easy, because even I letting go everything in church, my mind stills full of ideas about youth ministry and ground works. Anyway hope this will stop soon, try not to think about it. Let go!